time flies, so does butterflies.

Emmelie and my friends cheered me up on that awful fist school day of the week. I laughed, kid around, but I never was happy. We had lunch n Jbee, and jaivee, believe me, everything kept reminding me of you.
Your classmates were there, then when we were eating, kenneth said that she didn't like lettuces on burgers so she took them off the way you did. I cringed to the thought. You never liked veggies. I started spilling ketchup and dropping things clumsily.
This is just the first day and a lot of things are already reminding me of you. how much more for the upcoming days? weeks? months? YEARS?
Ems went home with me. Then Kelvin picked us up and treated us dinner at chicken hauz. They tried to consume my time, but still, you don't leave my mind, your always there. and I know, for years, sorrow will wrap me everytime I'm alone on my bed thinking of you

I'll pretend to write these letters to you and to send them afterward just for me to express my feelings to, and I would really like you to read them, but I know I'm not allowed, for it only hurts you more and you asked me not to.

The night you broke up with me, last 26th of Sept., my beautiful little world emptied. I know I deserve this because of my lies to you, and I really am sorry. You were very angry at me. And I can't blame you `coz I was the one who hurt you, the one who ruined "US". I didn't want to give up for I know I can't bear this pain. That's why I decided to talk to you next day after NSTP class. I remember everything that happened that day, I tried to talk you out of it and pleaded you with my useless, stupid sorry-s. That cloudy afternoon, when you walked away after you took me home, I felt so depressed. very much. I texted you, yet I never had any reply. I reminded myself, that you were reminding me that I should stop hoping coz I've got no chance. But I still can't let it be, it's too hard. I slept that night with teArs in my eyes and I was too tired to fight the pain.
That Sunday morning, I texted you, and again on noon, still there's no reply. From the moment I woke up, you were the one who occupied my mind, and as hours pass by, it felt like waiting for eternity. Torture. I deserve this, I know. I can't bear another single minute without hearing from you so I called you. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know waht to say.
My last favor was for you to let me be your friend and I'll wait for you to forgive me, even if it takes a year, that way, I can let you see and I can prove to you that I'm sorry for what I've done and for me to do everything to bring back your trust. But you won't accept it, you kept telling me it's over and you said that you'll prefer to treat meas an enemy than as a friend. and you told me that you're hurting too, but you just won't accept me ever again.
I cried to you, I always do, and after trying to convince you and failed, I gave up. I decided to follow what you asked instead. I won't forget that last phone call, how it ended. You asked me if there's anything more i want to say, of course there were lots to say but I settled in telling you how much I love you and I'm sorry. Then I asked you, your response tore me apart. you said,"In, di na mag asa pa.bye" I drowned in tears.
The pain was too much to bear.an hour later you texted me, but I mourned over to what it said, that I shouldn't contact you in any way for it hurts you. and I didn't reply until you sent another one saying that I shouldn't have called that night coz it made you remember the pain. I followed what you asked. and your last text to me was,"shit!"
I hugged and kissed your teddy that night and cried to him. It felt like you. It always do. But I wasn't able to sleep until I put him aside.
Monday, I remebered you told me on the phone that you didn't want to see me coz you'll hurt again remembering. I'm afraid to see you though, coz when i do, my heart my mind my soul shouts for you, craves for you, LOVES YOU. And that way, I can never forget you. My love for you will never cease, that's for sure. This monday, I'm glad you didn't see me, i don't want you hurting, but I am hurting to, more over when I see you, but our difference is, I WANT to see you. I miss you

Sometimes, when I'm all alone and have nothing to do, I'd always think things about you, about us.But it's always you.
Sometimes I'd think of unpleasant stuff,nahh, I'd say mostly.
I can only think of happy times when we're together, for when I do, without you by my side, that'll make me miss you more.
About the unpleasant stuff, I mean about thoughts that makes me cry.
May it be what happened about us, what i've done wrong, that I shouldn't have hurt you and I always regret those times I made your precious tears fell.
I don't want to reminisce those moments for it crushes my heart. I'd always feel guilty about it. You know Jaiv, sometimes, I'm thinking about what my life would be have you not been a part of it. I realized, then I couldn't have felt nirvana. You were always there, just waiting for me to lean on to you and make me feel that everything's going to be alright. And it always does because YOU were THERE to make it right for me.
When the time comes that you have to go away, I know deep in my heart and in my soul, my love for you,my jaivee, will never change. I've imagined it already and every time I do, I find myself crying to sleep for days now. I'll miss you. And my love will keep on yearning for you.
You see, you're my intense pain and extreme happiness. No one can hurt me and inflict pain on me as much as your absence can cause. Nobody, can lift my spirits up and let it soar as much as you do. You love just watching me, and through your eyes, I can see that you're always ready to catch me if I fall. I hope you can see just how much I love you too.♥

*I didn't know that we'd break up 2days after I wrote this*

You bring a smile to my lips
every time I see you the crowd vanishes.
You are a constant blessing
that would lift me up when I'm six feet under,
when the world seems to lose its grip on me,
when I'm about to give up...
The warmth your presence brings
relaxes every tensed part of me.
Joy, bliss, insanity is what my mind thinks
and what my hearts feels having you around.
Me, my life, only searches, craves, wants & dreams
of perpetual happiness and it is only you who can give it to me.
Every part of me,
every inch of my soul
loves you to the core,
and I can't love again the way I love you.
Always and forever

*wrote this letter on my ntbk while waiting for him
having his class.*