5th of september. i knew i'm in love.. (so what?)
well.. i've never been in love this past three years.
i had crushes and all of that but i wasn't able to love someone again as deep as my love for my ex's was.
NOW, i am happy i learned to love again but I'm sad because i know i will never be happy. the person i love now is too impossible to be mine.
last sept.5, i was in school. talkin with my bestfriend.
yeah. well. i cried. i really don't know why my tears fell that day. i think it was because it was when i realized that i was able to love again and at the same time i was sad. DUH. he wont look at me the way i look at him. yes. we are good friends(the guy), we ARE very GOOD friends. that same day,i went berserk,i guess i was upset because he compared me AGAIN to his gf. His one and only.
i was wearing a pussycat that day and his gf did too. she's on the other classroom..he said i look good w/ it and he added that she's looks more good w/ it. yeh well. whatdya expect me to do. i like him so much. to be compared to HIS gf is definitely not ok with me. i'm okay w/ me,us,stayin just friends w/ him, but to be compared to his gf,that's a double nuh-oh. i dunno.he kept on sayin what's wrong. he even said sorry. i said to him to stop being sloppy. i said he should not even ask for forgiveness if he doesn't even know what his fault was.(was it mine? i couldn't tell him i love him)..i was upset w/ him i didn't talk to him for the rest of the day until now.
NOW, my problem is this. i can't get him out of my mind. =( which really sucks cause i'm a part of this upcoming folk dance contest on tuesday next week. we had a dress rehearsal today at school and students were watchin us. the dance was about to finish when i saw him standin on one side of the lobby, watchin. and..well...i made a mistake on the dance, i wasn't able to remember what the next step should be. Oh god i was so embarrassed. i was so nervous. and i still am. i hope i'll do just fine on the competition. Oh God, help me. on our last examinations,i can't study. i CAN't.. it's beacause i was mad on three of my friends. i forgave them. just for me to be able to study and do well on my exams. i did. we (my 3 friends) did. hell, i can't do something satisfactory when i'm upset with somebody. especially if that somebody plays a special role in my life.
what should i do? i couldn't just tell him. =(( i'm so damn afraid.